thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
