i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
