He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
