Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
