i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
