I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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