Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
