What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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