You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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