i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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