dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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