she woke up with a sticky ear
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
