First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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