I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
