I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
