idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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