Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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