I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
