who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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