I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
