Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
