I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
