I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
