Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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