Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
