someone get that fucking seahorse.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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