thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
