I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
