the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
