why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
