Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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