vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
