This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
