Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
