Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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