i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Randomize
