that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
