I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Boobs are out for the taking
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
