I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
