I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we're so committed to being not committed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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