If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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