Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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