oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
