hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
