can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
