He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
