don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
