shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
