i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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