Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
