Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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